I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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