i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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