do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
