were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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