Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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