we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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