i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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