Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
