Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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