11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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