it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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