Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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