So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
