At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize