Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
