i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
