just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
