My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize