Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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