I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
