who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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