3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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