The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
