does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
