I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do herpes really smell.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
