i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
