I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
