He kissed a someone with a penis
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
