We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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