that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
