Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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