Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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