i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
