East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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