nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
