New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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