so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
