I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
