Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
