did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Blood and glitter go together right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
