dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
