my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
