tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
PANTIES FOUND
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