Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
