You're my little dorito
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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