you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
