I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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