The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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