Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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