We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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