bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
