The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
