promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
