ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
