just tell him i said nine months
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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