Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
