he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
