I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
