I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
