One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She bit a glass in half.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
