I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
