fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
