Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
