i barfeds in our rink
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
