she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
