I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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