where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
